Therapy: What, where, when and how?

Therapy. Counselling. Talking therapies. Modalities. Lots of big words, but what do they mean?

You may or may not have heard the above when googling "I need to talk to someone who is not a friend and knows what to do and help me feel happy again".

It isn't very clear, and the last thing you want to be when you undoubtedly feel incongruent. Sorry for using a therapy term, but I mean feeling lost or out of sorts, etc.

Many great resources are out there, but which one is correct? Which one do I need?

I can't walk into the pub and announce I am struggling at present, and I am wondering if anyone here can recommend a therapist who treats people cheaply and does not use fancy words when discussing how I feel.

You could do this, but sadly, no one will have the answer.

I will not use fancy therapy words to describe the best approach to finding support and helping you to self-actualise. I am joking.

Firstly, I am biased as I am a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP); please visit their website for more information. Enter your postcode, and a list of therapists near you will appear. Now that is the easy bit. What next?

There will be hundreds of faces staring back at you with varying levels of poor to horrendous photography skills. If you are a professional photographer, a deal is to be struck.

You can read their profile after picking a photo of someone who looks approachable and friendly and does not remind you of your mean old geography teacher.

At this point, things become complicated. I hear you ask, "What does Gestalt mean?"

How much should I pay? If they are cheap, will they be reliable and competent in their roles?

All these questions are valid, and the big problem is that there is no correct answer for any of them. We are not regulated, so we can do what we want and charge what we want without ever attending a single lesson on counselling.

Word of mouth is key, but as we said earlier, most people won't admit they are even in therapy. Little ones don't share their precious therapists with anyone else, as they now belong to them forevermore.

I suggest deciding how much you can afford a month and going with your gut.

Most therapists offer a 15-to 30-minute complimentary consultation to determine whether you are a good fit for each other.

Like on a blind date, you instantly know if there is a connection. Trust the process. You will hear this a lot. Go with your feelings. Book a session and see how it feels when you sit in the chair for the first time, look them in the eye, and bare your soul.

Some websites explain what modalities are, what they do, and how they work. Most people will be asking what the word modalities means and why we feel they need to keep using fancy words. You may notice that many therapists' websites feature either a picture of a forest or the sea. Don't be put off by this; it is the standard go-to screensaver for therapists.

The dictionary definition of modality is: "Modality" refers to the manner or way in which something exists or is done.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to trust your instincts. Please don't hesitate to ask the therapist about their qualifications and how they approach their work in the room. Over the last five years, I have only been asked about my qualifications once.

This is a relationship—a therapeutic relationship, a deep and meaningful one that will have a significant impact on your life.